Sometimes you're just in the mood for pictures of girls with big tits on the Internet, but you're like, "How? Where?" Glad I can help! These are only links to pictures of girls with big tits, rather than putting up the actual pictures of girls with big tits here, so if you click on the links you'll see the big tits. I figure, using the phrase "big tits" as much as possible will help with Google searches and then people will come here and buy the DVD. Okay?

• Denise from SportsByBrooks.com: I don't know who this Brooks fellow is, but I do know he's a genius, because I don't really care much about sports and I go to his site every damn day. The idea is that he hires girls with big tits and flat bellies and dimples in their asses that you could do shots out of, and he sends them to sports bars to get their pictures taken with a bunch of fat drunks, and then he puts those pictures on the Internet for losers like me to... use. I don't know how you'd describe that job on a resume, but he seems to be doing very well with it. Denise is my favorite one on that site because of these, these, and ohmygodthese.
• Jessica Alba: I guess technically these pictures at The Superficial don't show her big tits, but rather her big bran-canyon. This is an inexact science, folks. She's really digging in there, huh? If they'd made her do that for 2 hours in Fantastic Four instead of trying to coax her into uttering complete sentences, I might have bought a ticket.
• Jessica Simpson: Her tits don't look as big as I thought they'd be in this picture. Maybe she lost a little too much weight for the Dukes of Hazzard movie? (Which I didn't hate nearly as much as I thought I would, incidentally. She portrayed the role of Daisy Duke's anatomy, and then you also had Johnny Duke and Stifler Duke. It wasn't really all that funny, probably because those Super Troopers guys did it, but there were some cool car chases and fights, and some stuff blew up, and Stifler is out of his fucking mind for real. While I don't think I can recommend running right out to see it before somebody ruins the big twist ending for you (they beat Boss Hogg), it's not quite the sign of the End Times that Ebert wants you to think it is. Another interesting note is that Knoxville looks wore out. All that testicular trauma will age a man. Watching him hit on 19-year-old girls made me think of Dean Martin in those Matt Helm movies. It was like, "Just a good ol' boy (and his leathery great-uncle)." He's not as bad off as Burt Reynolds, of course, whose face looks like a used Ace bandage.) So in conclusion, Jessica Simpson has big tits but maybe not quite as big as previously, and also carbs are not the enemy. P.S. That movie made $30.6 million this weekend, which comes out to roughly a million bucks for each IQ point I lost while watching it. P.P.S. I was trying to figure out why Lynda Carter was in it, considering she didn't really do anything, and I think it's because the original show was on CBS the same night as Wonder Woman. That seems like the kind of thing the Broken Lizard guys would find "funny."